Trust

Trust is something hard to come by. How do you trust someone as human as you? If you do trust, will it be worth it.

What makes a person trustworthy? I ask because I find that people toss around that word without really thinking what that word means. Someone may ask me to trust them, why should I put my heart on the line like that? Are people really that easy to trust, and what happens when they break that trust? Why do people need trust to establish relationships if they know that the person will one day break their trust?

I am loyal to myself hence the reason why I don’t trust just anyone. Why do people get put off if you try to test them before you trust them? Isn’t it natural that I would want to protect myself. Life is too short to give myself away to anyone who asks  for my trust. Trust to me means that I am giving my soul to the person I’m trusting. I understand that people make mistakes but do I trust that the person will be upfront when it comes to confessing their pitfalls. I know that I find it difficult to admit it, but I do it out of my self-values of honesty. How many people believe in honesty these days? How do you trust someone who is a liar? I don’t live in a court so I’m not going to swear everyone on the bible when I ask them a question.

I hurt so easily and have high standards. I understand the world from my perspective because it’s the only set of eyes I was given. When I think about a blind person, I wonder why they trust people will lead them to the right location. How can someone who doesn’t see do that, is it because they have no other option? Do they believe that people are good? Do I believe that people are good, and if I don’t, why don’t I?

I love my pet, I trust it. I understand that it will act instinctively every time, but humans are not like that. They are unpredictable and if one person says one thing, doesn’t mean that everyone will say it. People have different motives in different situations. I can’t  trust, I really can’t but there’s nothing wrong with trusting someone. I guess it’s what makes living in this world a little easier. If we didn’t trust each other then we’d be plotting against each other at every turn. Our world would be more chaotic than it is. I try to compensate my inability to trust with compassion. That is one thing I’m able to do regardless of the person, I guess some people just aren’t meant to be able to trust. Maybe one day I’ll find someone worth trusting but until then I will keep myself out of harm’s way, whatever harm means.

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Love and Loss

I understand the pain of loss. It cuts me deep in the heart. I feel it settle in my heart as I am reminded of the fact that nothing is eternal. Things change, time moves on. There is no point holding onto the past. I have to move forward and find hope from within. External sources are ever fleeting with no guarantees. It is difficult to constantly suffer loss, you never can experience fulfilling joy. When you experience loss of love at a young age, there never is another that can fill that space. It stays with you through out your journey in this world. There are different types of love in this world, some can be replaced or renewed whilst others can be upgraded. Life is always giving and taking things back. It’s the reason why I give my all when I love. It’s the reason why I cannot allow others that are close to me to go through the pain that I feel everyday. It’s the type of pain that builds strength but it can be lonely. Loneliness can devour you to the point where you feel there isn’t much left to live for. But every time I meet a new soul and connect with them, I feel this fulfilment within me because I would have helped someone else find joy. They too bring me joy, even though it’s temporary, it’s still worth it.

Life without YOU.

 

I felt it,

I felt it as it coursed through my veins,

The excruciating pain moving through my body,

I’ve never felt so much sorrow.

 

It hits me right then,

All that I’d ever felt was real,

I couldn’t live another second without you,

The silence is eating me up,

Not hearing from you,

Not touching you or feeling your presence,

I couldn’t go on without you.

 

Everything ceases to make sense,

Everything is dull,

The life you gave my world,

All taken away into some darkness,

That devours like a hungry beast of hate,

I feel it as the days go by,

I need you,

Without you my heart bleeds forever.

 

I forget what it feels like,

To have emotion becomes like a thing that never existed.

I try to be interested,

I try bright colours,

I try positive affirmations,

I try humour; song; friendship,

Nothing does help.

 

Will my life be ever so empty,

Will I ever feel…,

Feel whole again?

Time holds me here,

Only you can heal me,

Only you can make me alive again.

But only I will continue wondering,

When will you realise?

Will you ever and so,

I send my heart to you,

My heart holds my hope,

And I wait in hope,

For it to bring you back to me.