Staying grounded

I have been thinking to myself lately about how sometimes we forget who we are because of society and peer pressure. Chasing after things that in reality aren’t very useful in our journey.

Such things as movies, fashion, holidays and even educational merits. The year is ending and for most people it’s a time to look back and evaluate on our lives.I really don’t like this time for a lot of different reasons. One of them is how everyone is all about comparing achievements. Oh, so and so went to Iceland, well the other learnt how to speak Mandarin. Have you watched the latest season of this, have you been promoted, I bought a new house, well I achieved my Masters degree? Honestly, we all do it; it’s just something that’s been ingrained in our brains. We can’t help but try to keep up with the Joneses. Well, most of us have done this a lot this year, I know I have; but has it been worth it?

To me it hasn’t, this year I noticed that most of my stress came from trying to please everyone but myself. I became so driven by what other people were doing that I lost sight of what was important to me. I don’t need to have a Mercedes to be happy, public transport is as good as owning a car. I stopped myself from achieving my goals because I thought I wasn’t perfect enough to do it.I was paralysed, thinking to myself that I just wasn’t good enough. I have wanted to start playing Assassin’s Creed for such a long time, but I gave up on that because things didn’t want to come together. I almost gave up on that idea. I mean they keep releasing new games, I felt like just letting it go since my friends were all up to date. I was so caught up in the details that I couldn’t see the bigger picture. How many things that we do are actually taking us forward, and how many things are just unnecessary stresses. Can we really afford to waste our time and money on wasteful things?

I love indulging myself on the good things in life, because sometimes it’s okay to enjoy dining at an expensive restaurant. Doing it every day, whilst earning peanuts, just isn’t worth it. Especially when you’re just doing it for the approval of others. I vow to myself that moving forward I will only do for me. I will spend my time and money on things that are worth it. I am the one who feels happy or sad in my circumstances, not others, so I will let them have their lives. I will be realistic and follow my path regardless of what people say. There will come a day that I will be put to eternal sleep, and I hope when that day comes I would have lived to the most of my capabilities.

Enjoy the last days of this year and cherish them for we will never get them back. Getting into the new year, I hope that we follow our dreams and live our lives to the fullest.

(image: )

Hope for the Better.

When you realise that life is so terrible because you made it that way. You start to forget the little good things that were once part of your life. It’s important to never give up but then sometimes it’s just so hard to cope. You find so much sorrow in your heart. You remember the friends you used to have and how they were able to slip away from your life so easily. So you think about the future and a sudden shudder of despair takes over you. You notice the reality of life, that if you don’t deal with this as soon as possible, you might just end up in a grave that you dug up for yourself.

It’s difficult to blame anyone but yourself. There’s no use in blaming, it just creates more complications and leaves you stagnant. You really wish something better would come along and make you happy. But you have to work for that something obviously. It won’t just fall on your lap. Maximum effort is required. You go to your doctor and ask for medication to help you achieve said effort. It’s a matter of cause and effect really. So now you’ve been taking these pills for a week, you’re tired. Your body is tired and complaining to you. It likes the idea of getting better but it just doesn’t like feeling worse. The side effects are slowing you down, but you need to keep taking them. You want to find your happy, so bad you would do anything for it.

Life is complicated but you keep fighting. You have hope for tomorrow. Surely misery is not the reason you were put on this earth. No, you were put on this earth so that you could grow and contribute something great to the world. It might be a small great thing or a huge great thing, it doesn’t matter, what matters is that it’s great. So look towards the horizon and watch the sun rise from its slumber. You know this is exactly where you’re meant to be.

Life only gets better…….

…….. It has to.

Life without YOU.


I felt it,

I felt it as it coursed through my veins,

The excruciating pain moving through my body,

I’ve never felt so much sorrow.


It hits me right then,

All that I’d ever felt was real,

I couldn’t live another second without you,

The silence is eating me up,

Not hearing from you,

Not touching you or feeling your presence,

I couldn’t go on without you.


Everything ceases to make sense,

Everything is dull,

The life you gave my world,

All taken away into some darkness,

That devours like a hungry beast of hate,

I feel it as the days go by,

I need you,

Without you my heart bleeds forever.


I forget what it feels like,

To have emotion becomes like a thing that never existed.

I try to be interested,

I try bright colours,

I try positive affirmations,

I try humour; song; friendship,

Nothing does help.


Will my life be ever so empty,

Will I ever feel…,

Feel whole again?

Time holds me here,

Only you can heal me,

Only you can make me alive again.

But only I will continue wondering,

When will you realise?

Will you ever and so,

I send my heart to you,

My heart holds my hope,

And I wait in hope,

For it to bring you back to me.


Artificial Intelligence, Change and the Future!

Oh boi, my favourite topic at the moment, NOT. Hm let’s see, do I hate A.I, no I don’t. Having said that I think the world is moving too fast for people to comprehend, or for me to comprehend. Firstly, what will we do when A.I take our jobs? Well nobody seems to care, I don’t understand why they don’t. Most of the jobs that are going to be replaced are low skill jobs. So it means if you want a job in the future you have to go back to university and do something that is guaranteed to keep you occupied and earning a living when the A.I take over. It’s funny because people are walking about the streets and watching movies about these things but they still believe they’re above it all. Maybe they think that they’ll start a blog, or be trained to do another job. I’m sorry to burst your bubble but companies are looking for ways to reduce expenses not increase them. And starting a blog is so hard, trust me I know. So why are people not being proactive about it. Do they think their bills will be automatically paid, no, robots are expensive, it’s not like we’ll wake up one day and they’ll be all over the place tending to our needs. No it’s going to be a long process that takes years. So in the meantime what will you be doing, living off a pathetic pension? We should wake up and deal with the facts that A.I is coming whether we like it or not and we have to plan ahead because the government is only going to do so much for us.

At the same time people should be making themselves heard. Companies want to use A.I for almost everything but how many people really care about the way the future is going to turn out? Yes A.I is going to be helpful but how much of this A.I do we need in our lives? I see people making decisions for me that quite frankly I wouldn’t have made in my right mind. What happens when A.I systems are driving our cars, telling us what to do and when to do it. What sort of world will that be? Will I have the opportunity to think for myself or is everything going to be A.I controlled? People say it’s inevitable but is it really? We have a choice as to how the future turns out. I am all for change but only if both the pros and cons are put to the light. How do they hope to deal with the cons of having A.I systems in our lives or is it just something they hope to ignore until it’s too late.

Our world is changing. Companies are trying to create robots to reduce their expenses and workload instead of investing in pressing matters such as environmental changes. Why can we not concentrate on the environment for a second because if we don’t there won’t be any companies to use the robots in the future the way this world is going environmentally. People in Africa and other places don’t have water or food, why not create machines to help with that? Yeah sure Africans need to be more ambitious but they still need help to get to where First-World countries are. We are surrounded by a lot of water yet we suffer with thirst. Polar bears are going extinct, yeah they’re just animals but they’re not the only ones. One day they’ll be gone, and then it will be us, because if we cannot find the brain to start saving our planet now, what will make it different in the future? What if it will be too late? They talk about going to inhabit other planets but how many people would actually afford that luxury, then next thing you know it’s Elysium, only in real life.

People are just stuck in their routines and not taking part in this life. I do that sometimes and it’s really pathetic. We forget we’re part of a big universe. Environmental changes are affecting our whole earth not just the southern hemisphere. We might not see it readily but our world is changing. What are we going to do about it? What sort of future are we building because so far it doesn’t seem impressive. Yes we have the coolest gadgets but what’s the point of Siri if someone out there is starving and thirsty? Think about that, our world needs us and we have to make a stand.

Why I think Asexuals are going at it the wrong way!

I only got to know about asexuality a few years ago. I actually think one of my friends is asexual but you know why it never was clear because I was stereotyping him. Stereotypes are never good to use, yes some are true but it still takes away the individuality of that person. Okay so the reason why I am writing this is because I think I am a sexual human being because that’s how I feel most of the time. Asexuals from what I understand never feel sexual towards another human. They have feelings but not sexual feelings. They are just nonexistent. I will probably regret saying this but they’re like robots when it comes to sexual emotions like arousal and attraction. So this is what I understand from it. They are people who prefer deep meaningful friendships with, is it safe to say, one special human. I mean from what I understand they have plenty of friendships but there’s just that one soul friend for them?

So why did I say asexuals are going at it the wrong way. When I first read about it, it literally gave me a headache. I had thousands of questions and no to answer them. I did not understand how people could not feel sexually, like did they not have feelings at al or was it a choice, so…many questions I tell you. Luckily when I read, I read to understand. So I eventually sort of got my head around it and my brain relaxed. Most people like me only know there to be sexualilty. So when some random person we don’t know comes into our lives and tells us they don’t feel anything sexual our alarm bell goes off in our heads. If a person we are close to or love says the same thing that alarm goes off again. The truth is it’s not easy to digest, there are more and more things sprouting in this world that are difficult to digest. So why not make it easier to digest, the LGBT community did. They made it clear that they are still humans only they like people of the same-sex. There’s nothing wrong with them, they just like people of the same sex. There’s nothing wrong with asexuals they prefer friendship over sex.

The truth is almost every marriage gets to a point where sex doesn’t matter anymore but it’s just being with that special someone. So you see, when you put things in a way that are easy to understand you have a world filled with harmony and acceptance. Yes everyone likes being different but that doesn’t mean we should be so messy about it. People appreciate things they can relate to, and the good thing is, you haven’t lied about any single thing you just rephrased it to be understood better. Once you’re understood it’s easier to come out, you embrace it and own it. No one is blindsided or overlooked because they are given the choice. Would I give up my sexuality for an asexual I loved to the moon and back,yeah definitely and I’m sure I’m not the only one, sure it won’t be everyone but that’s life, live it. Everyone is a unique individual and free to be who they truly are. What more can you want?

Seeing the world in a new light!!


Living in this century is the most difficult thing. 😨No one knows what to follow or believe. You’ll sit down, daydream about the kind of life you want to live. As soon as you snap out of it, you’ll realise that there’s a great chance it won’t happen. :'(򘠠Why? Because there’s so many movements against everything that if you choose wrong you won’t even make it to the first part of your dreams. But the truth is your dreams will never come true in this fast changing world of ours. 👿

I haven’t lived that long on this earth but I’m sure dreams were better to fulfil a century ago than they are now. You’d wake up and think to yourself that you knew you were going to get married in about two years, and fair enough it usually did happen. 😅These days you’ll tell yourself that only to find that after five years you’re still single and searching. It doesn’t end there! 😬You think to yourself, that you’re going to buy that house but when you think you’ve saved enough, you realise the prices have gone up. 😂Today, life couldn’t be any better than it was yesterday. You stand at this bus stop everyday, waiting to go to work, there’s these people who you see everyday and never talk to. The difference between today and a month from now, is the way they will be dressing. Today it’s a long dress that is not at all that figure fitting, next month will be a short-short that is so tight you can see their bum dimples. A century ago, houses stayed the same price, a century ago, everyone wore the same, rich or poor, young or old, it was covering their body. I guess things never stay the same but where do you draw the line with it.😐

I think we are too accepting of things these days. If science says vomiting is good for you then so shall most people do. If a celebrity says having a big bum is better, then hell you’ll do squats until you get one or for people with genes that don’t give up, you’ll probably get some implants. ;)If the politician says everyone should have a day job, then so be it, even if you work 12 hours a week. If the advertisement says you should shave your hair to support cancer, most people will do it. How many of us stop to think about what we’re doing? 😓How many of us are actually on a diet that works for us or wearing clothes we’re comfortable in? We hang around people and sometimes we wonder why we’re still friends with them, only because we don’t actually share anything in common with them, but if networking is what makes you socially accepted then I guess you could put up with it. 😫

You know there was a time when I felt so insecure of my natural hair because it wasn’t long enough or silky enough. 😭I know we’re all just human beings but where has the uniqueness gone to? I mean individuality not groupies. I remember when I was a kid at school, I hung out with everyone, but when I came to college, well I hung out with no one. I really didn’t fit with all the “big label” students, or the “nerdy” students.😣 Everyone had a clique and because I’d grew up hanging around with everyone, it was hard to put me in one particular place that I could fit in fully. It was either that or change.😯 I once asked my friend why she dated a black guy, she said that to her, he wasn’t a “black” guy but just a guy she loved. This other woman told me she liked being a housewife, it gave her great joy to cook and take care of her family. I asked a guy why he preferred to work than stay home, he told me he’s better at working a nine to five than he is at doing house chores, another preferred staying home because he felt closer to his kids and that he didn’t want them being looked after by a nanny. 😆

Everyone is an individual. Some love walking around naked, some love horror films. Does it make us less human? No it doesn’t. We are always trying to blend into society. Sometimes we’ll stop being who we are just because of a stereotype but by not being yourself you’re following a trend that society has given us.😱 I laugh at myself sometimes because I try so hard to be different, but then I notice that by being different I’m not winning I’m actually just following society. I know it doesn’t seem to make sense but have you ever thought why, the reason behind all your actions? Well if not all, most of them? Okay I’m going to use this example of being big and too skinny. We all know that being big or too skinny is not healthy, whether it’s inherited or not. But look at the world and tell me if we are less like that? People who’re big say it’s their body and it’s empowering to accept yourself the way you are and the start hating on skinny people, same goes to being skinny, all in the name of empowerment? Few people really know how to use that word. You’ll find two people who believe in feminine empowerment but have different views on nudity for women, so hatred is created, all for the fact that everyone is either trying to be different or accepted. People start movements which sometimes don’t even make sense. 😰

I never felt the need to voice my views on things like this because they have never really affected me, up until now anyways.:twisted: I’m older now and the adult world is very different, everything that made sense when I turned 18 no longer does now, because you realise that you actually don’t have much power over anything,well except on your kids, all because people have become ignorant of themselves. I mean when you’re young it’s only a small clique you have to deal with but when you’re older it’s a lot bigger than that. 😷 It’s like saying a particular president isn’t right for the country, even if you know two people who agree, you have to convince a thousand more where that came from.

All I’m trying to say in this jargon filled post of mine is that we’re losing sight of what really matters. 😧People always try to fight society but the only way to break free from society is from within and acknowledging that we are all unique beings. We are giving too much credit to science, technology, celebrities, friends and family. We need to be internally focused so that the world can be a better place. Beliefs are just reactions to things that become habit to our brains. So we can easily change them in a way that is best for our lives. Why keep on living to expectations, why live a life with no meaning? I know I won’t. 😎I won’t be oppressed by other people’s ideas, I will accept them but know that I have my own values and standards. If it’s a view shared then it’s good but that’s just who I am not what the human race is supposed to be.☺


Humans are unique. We might share similar traits with others but there’s always going to be something different. The only way there can be peace is accepting that they’re different. As I have said there will always be that person who disagrees, so I’m guessing someone out there disagrees with everything in this post. We are just humans but if there was a balance of the opposites I think the world would be a better place. ☺

The meaning of life. What is it?

Have you ever wondered what the heck you’re doing here right now?😐 I’ve wondered so many times, it’s given me more than a dozen headaches. I write because of this, to run away from that feeling of emptiness. I know lots of people do it, being in denial, finding stuff to fill that emptiness like education, jobs, alcohol, sex and all that.:(

Well I’m sick of running away. I know I lack a lot of things in life but I’ve lost all meaning all together.😵 I really wonder if spirituality has anything to do with it. I stopped believing because I don’t like how this world works at all. There’s so many negative things in my life, even when I follow the positivity crap that people always go on about. “Oh think positively, it will all be okay.”  Yeah Yeah I’ve been there and done that it will take me a lot to get back to that state. No I’m not being stubbornly negative, I’m just too tired, I need answers first. 😟


So I grew up as a Christian, and when people ask me of my religion I say that. Funny because I don’t really believe in that. 😅I used to think God was so like the best, but I grew up and got caught up in philosophy so….yep I got a bit skeptic. I mean I’ve got a lot of anger against God. I stopped believing in him in my times of hurt, but I thank him when good things happen, I don’t know it’s ingrained onto my brain😧. So since I don’t believe in him, I’m stuck between being religious and being an atheist. I mean I see the world before me and think, it should have been made by something, because I don’t believe in the big bang theory. 😂I hate science when it comes to things like that, but that’s a topic for another day when something related to science makes me angry. 😒I kinda believed in the whole enlightenment and kyballion and stuff but it never helped. I learnt about quantum physics, just a bit, by a bit I mean a page that someone had written on this other website I found. Anyways it told me about universal laws, I tried out that theory, it didn’t work, it actually p***ed me off.😤 I read about this metaphysics guy and his teachings, also didn’t work. I thought to myself maybe I should just forget about spirituality but still I’m finding it hard to find the meaning to life. 😯

It’s weird how other people find what I dismissed works for them. Oh well I don’t know if I should be glad or worried that I didn’t find any meaning in what they’re doing. The meaning of life is so big. 😰I know that there is one key thing I need to find so that the rest of my life makes sense. I mean the reason why life can be so miserable, or why people are rich and some are poor (me 😫). Why people fall in and out of love?😥 Why things don’t last? :(It’s all in my brain. I know that I’m over thinking a lot of stuff but it grinds my gears when people just act so darn ridiculous just because the bible says so, or just because society says. Don’t people have their own brains to think, I know my brain is over working and getting nowhere but at least I’m defining my life in a way that kinda works for me:'(, okay maybe I need a few more things so that it can fully work me. Oh story of my life.😵

Does life have a meaning anyways? See that’s the problem in being an atheist I think, there’s no heaven to look forward to or a God to serve. 😑Well some people say that the meaning of life is for us to live, that we’ve woken up so we should be grateful and use up the day we’re given. But of course my negative self goes like this, “why the heck did I wake up only to not be able to accomplish anything even with the effort I’ve put in.” And then that stupid crazy irritating person comes to me and says “hm maybe it wasn’t much effort “.😠 At that point I have the option to punch that person, go at them, agree with them or just give them that look that says “SERIOUSLY”😤. I swear one day I will punch a person so bad, I might even break their jaw 😑. So obviously that meaning didn’t sit well with me.😆

I once had this answer that it was for happiness. It’s the one that managed to last longer compared to the other ideas. It was good I tell you, I was Mrs Positive, I never let things get to me, I had a job, things were going great, and I mean great. It was because of Dr. Dyer‘s book, Your Erroneous Zones. It became my bible, I read it everyday, went about my business, read positive affirmations and just had a positivity to-do list. 😎It was the best time, I had so much love for life, I was in love with the idea of living.😍 I had dreams and goals that were being accomplished. Something happened though and all that I’d come to believe just got destroyed and I never felt the same again. I do think about going back, I tried but it never worked so I now have to take a new route.😬


The meaning of life, having goals, living to the fullest. Is it possible to find that answer? Should I keep on going or should I just be like everyone else who just go about life without questioning it.:? I hate life you know, the reason being when you learn something new which works better, there is never any sense in  going back to the worst way. So I can’t go back to what I used to be, I don’t know why anyone would just do things just because. Now that is the worst of all the ideas I’ve found and it’s sad. You find someone who’s stuck in a job they don’t like, they always complain about it, but they’ll stay, just because they need a job. I mean I need a job but settling for a job I don’t like never works, I put myself first in stuff. Maybe that’s why the happiness idea ended up failing for me. I just only knew how to satisfy myself but never others.


I need an idea. One that allows me to live happily within but with freedom to handle stressful situations involving others. I hope to find the meaning soon. My life depends on it, definitely. 🙌

Oh well that’s it I guess. I know I will find a new idea that will serve me for the next years.😶 I just need to keep the important things locked in my brain, I don’t want to lose any value in my life. I mean every moment spent is a moment written in our individual lives. 😫When we lose that individuality we lose the sense of being, the sense of uniqueness. 😫Of all things to lose, being one’s self is not one of them. 😷We are individuals, and we will die so.


Within is what we truly are, our values and standards which define us. If we lose that we lose an important piece to our lives which disturbs the world in general. Let’s choose wisely. 😁😁😁😁