Love and Loss

I understand the pain of loss. It cuts me deep in the heart. I feel it settle in my heart as I am reminded of the fact that nothing is eternal. Things change, time moves on. There is no point holding onto the past. I have to move forward and find hope from within. External sources are ever fleeting with no guarantees. It is difficult to constantly suffer loss, you never can experience fulfilling joy. When you experience loss of love at a young age, there never is another that can fill that space. It stays with you through out your journey in this world. There are different types of love in this world, some can be replaced or renewed whilst others can be upgraded. Life is always giving and taking things back. It’s the reason why I give my all when I love. It’s the reason why I cannot allow others that are close to me to go through the pain that I feel everyday. It’s the type of pain that builds strength but it can be lonely. Loneliness can devour you to the point where you feel there isn’t much left to live for. But every time I meet a new soul and connect with them, I feel this fulfilment within me because I would have helped someone else find joy. They too bring me joy, even though it’s temporary, it’s still worth it.

Staying grounded

I have been thinking to myself lately about how sometimes we forget who we are because of society and peer pressure. Chasing after things that in reality aren’t very useful in our journey.

Such things as movies, fashion, holidays and even educational merits. The year is ending and for most people it’s a time to look back and evaluate on our lives.I really don’t like this time for a lot of different reasons. One of them is how everyone is all about comparing achievements. Oh, so and so went to Iceland, well the other learnt how to speak Mandarin. Have you watched the latest season of this, have you been promoted, I bought a new house, well I achieved my Masters degree? Honestly, we all do it; it’s just something that’s been ingrained in our brains. We can’t help but try to keep up with the Joneses. Well, most of us have done this a lot this year, I know I have; but has it been worth it?

To me it hasn’t, this year I noticed that most of my stress came from trying to please everyone but myself. I became so driven by what other people were doing that I lost sight of what was important to me. I don’t need to have a Mercedes to be happy, public transport is as good as owning a car. I stopped myself from achieving my goals because I thought I wasn’t perfect enough to do it.I was paralysed, thinking to myself that I just wasn’t good enough. I have wanted to start playing Assassin’s Creed for such a long time, but I gave up on that because things didn’t want to come together. I almost gave up on that idea. I mean they keep releasing new games, I felt like just letting it go since my friends were all up to date. I was so caught up in the details that I couldn’t see the bigger picture. How many things that we do are actually taking us forward, and how many things are just unnecessary stresses. Can we really afford to waste our time and money on wasteful things?

I love indulging myself on the good things in life, because sometimes it’s okay to enjoy dining at an expensive restaurant. Doing it every day, whilst earning peanuts, just isn’t worth it. Especially when you’re just doing it for the approval of others. I vow to myself that moving forward I will only do for me. I will spend my time and money on things that are worth it. I am the one who feels happy or sad in my circumstances, not others, so I will let them have their lives. I will be realistic and follow my path regardless of what people say. There will come a day that I will be put to eternal sleep, and I hope when that day comes I would have lived to the most of my capabilities.

Enjoy the last days of this year and cherish them for we will never get them back. Getting into the new year, I hope that we follow our dreams and live our lives to the fullest.

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Hope for the Better.

When you realise that life is so terrible because you made it that way. You start to forget the little good things that were once part of your life. It’s important to never give up but then sometimes it’s just so hard to cope. You find so much sorrow in your heart. You remember the friends you used to have and how they were able to slip away from your life so easily. So you think about the future and a sudden shudder of despair takes over you. You notice the reality of life, that if you don’t deal with this as soon as possible, you might just end up in a grave that you dug up for yourself.

It’s difficult to blame anyone but yourself. There’s no use in blaming, it just creates more complications and leaves you stagnant. You really wish something better would come along and make you happy. But you have to work for that something obviously. It won’t just fall on your lap. Maximum effort is required. You go to your doctor and ask for medication to help you achieve said effort. It’s a matter of cause and effect really. So now you’ve been taking these pills for a week, you’re tired. Your body is tired and complaining to you. It likes the idea of getting better but it just doesn’t like feeling worse. The side effects are slowing you down, but you need to keep taking them. You want to find your happy, so bad you would do anything for it.

Life is complicated but you keep fighting. You have hope for tomorrow. Surely misery is not the reason you were put on this earth. No, you were put on this earth so that you could grow and contribute something great to the world. It might be a small great thing or a huge great thing, it doesn’t matter, what matters is that it’s great. So look towards the horizon and watch the sun rise from its slumber. You know this is exactly where you’re meant to be.

Life only gets better…….

…….. It has to.

Why I think Asexuals are going at it the wrong way!

I only got to know about asexuality a few years ago. I actually think one of my friends is asexual but you know why it never was clear because I was stereotyping him. Stereotypes are never good to use, yes some are true but it still takes away the individuality of that person. Okay so the reason why I am writing this is because I think I am a sexual human being because that’s how I feel most of the time. Asexuals from what I understand never feel sexual towards another human. They have feelings but not sexual feelings. They are just nonexistent. I will probably regret saying this but they’re like robots when it comes to sexual emotions like arousal and attraction. So this is what I understand from it. They are people who prefer deep meaningful friendships with, is it safe to say, one special human. I mean from what I understand they have plenty of friendships but there’s just that one soul friend for them?

So why did I say asexuals are going at it the wrong way. When I first read about it, it literally gave me a headache. I had thousands of questions and no to answer them. I did not understand how people could not feel sexually, like did they not have feelings at al or was it a choice, so…many questions I tell you. Luckily when I read, I read to understand. So I eventually sort of got my head around it and my brain relaxed. Most people like me only know there to be sexualilty. So when some random person we don’t know comes into our lives and tells us they don’t feel anything sexual our alarm bell goes off in our heads. If a person we are close to or love says the same thing that alarm goes off again. The truth is it’s not easy to digest, there are more and more things sprouting in this world that are difficult to digest. So why not make it easier to digest, the LGBT community did. They made it clear that they are still humans only they like people of the same-sex. There’s nothing wrong with them, they just like people of the same sex. There’s nothing wrong with asexuals they prefer friendship over sex.

The truth is almost every marriage gets to a point where sex doesn’t matter anymore but it’s just being with that special someone. So you see, when you put things in a way that are easy to understand you have a world filled with harmony and acceptance. Yes everyone likes being different but that doesn’t mean we should be so messy about it. People appreciate things they can relate to, and the good thing is, you haven’t lied about any single thing you just rephrased it to be understood better. Once you’re understood it’s easier to come out, you embrace it and own it. No one is blindsided or overlooked because they are given the choice. Would I give up my sexuality for an asexual I loved to the moon and back,yeah definitely and I’m sure I’m not the only one, sure it won’t be everyone but that’s life, live it. Everyone is a unique individual and free to be who they truly are. What more can you want?

Seeing the world in a new light!!


Living in this century is the most difficult thing. 😨No one knows what to follow or believe. You’ll sit down, daydream about the kind of life you want to live. As soon as you snap out of it, you’ll realise that there’s a great chance it won’t happen. :'(򘠠Why? Because there’s so many movements against everything that if you choose wrong you won’t even make it to the first part of your dreams. But the truth is your dreams will never come true in this fast changing world of ours. 👿

I haven’t lived that long on this earth but I’m sure dreams were better to fulfil a century ago than they are now. You’d wake up and think to yourself that you knew you were going to get married in about two years, and fair enough it usually did happen. 😅These days you’ll tell yourself that only to find that after five years you’re still single and searching. It doesn’t end there! 😬You think to yourself, that you’re going to buy that house but when you think you’ve saved enough, you realise the prices have gone up. 😂Today, life couldn’t be any better than it was yesterday. You stand at this bus stop everyday, waiting to go to work, there’s these people who you see everyday and never talk to. The difference between today and a month from now, is the way they will be dressing. Today it’s a long dress that is not at all that figure fitting, next month will be a short-short that is so tight you can see their bum dimples. A century ago, houses stayed the same price, a century ago, everyone wore the same, rich or poor, young or old, it was covering their body. I guess things never stay the same but where do you draw the line with it.😐

I think we are too accepting of things these days. If science says vomiting is good for you then so shall most people do. If a celebrity says having a big bum is better, then hell you’ll do squats until you get one or for people with genes that don’t give up, you’ll probably get some implants. ;)If the politician says everyone should have a day job, then so be it, even if you work 12 hours a week. If the advertisement says you should shave your hair to support cancer, most people will do it. How many of us stop to think about what we’re doing? 😓How many of us are actually on a diet that works for us or wearing clothes we’re comfortable in? We hang around people and sometimes we wonder why we’re still friends with them, only because we don’t actually share anything in common with them, but if networking is what makes you socially accepted then I guess you could put up with it. 😫

You know there was a time when I felt so insecure of my natural hair because it wasn’t long enough or silky enough. 😭I know we’re all just human beings but where has the uniqueness gone to? I mean individuality not groupies. I remember when I was a kid at school, I hung out with everyone, but when I came to college, well I hung out with no one. I really didn’t fit with all the “big label” students, or the “nerdy” students.😣 Everyone had a clique and because I’d grew up hanging around with everyone, it was hard to put me in one particular place that I could fit in fully. It was either that or change.😯 I once asked my friend why she dated a black guy, she said that to her, he wasn’t a “black” guy but just a guy she loved. This other woman told me she liked being a housewife, it gave her great joy to cook and take care of her family. I asked a guy why he preferred to work than stay home, he told me he’s better at working a nine to five than he is at doing house chores, another preferred staying home because he felt closer to his kids and that he didn’t want them being looked after by a nanny. 😆

Everyone is an individual. Some love walking around naked, some love horror films. Does it make us less human? No it doesn’t. We are always trying to blend into society. Sometimes we’ll stop being who we are just because of a stereotype but by not being yourself you’re following a trend that society has given us.😱 I laugh at myself sometimes because I try so hard to be different, but then I notice that by being different I’m not winning I’m actually just following society. I know it doesn’t seem to make sense but have you ever thought why, the reason behind all your actions? Well if not all, most of them? Okay I’m going to use this example of being big and too skinny. We all know that being big or too skinny is not healthy, whether it’s inherited or not. But look at the world and tell me if we are less like that? People who’re big say it’s their body and it’s empowering to accept yourself the way you are and the start hating on skinny people, same goes to being skinny, all in the name of empowerment? Few people really know how to use that word. You’ll find two people who believe in feminine empowerment but have different views on nudity for women, so hatred is created, all for the fact that everyone is either trying to be different or accepted. People start movements which sometimes don’t even make sense. 😰

I never felt the need to voice my views on things like this because they have never really affected me, up until now anyways.:twisted: I’m older now and the adult world is very different, everything that made sense when I turned 18 no longer does now, because you realise that you actually don’t have much power over anything,well except on your kids, all because people have become ignorant of themselves. I mean when you’re young it’s only a small clique you have to deal with but when you’re older it’s a lot bigger than that. 😷 It’s like saying a particular president isn’t right for the country, even if you know two people who agree, you have to convince a thousand more where that came from.

All I’m trying to say in this jargon filled post of mine is that we’re losing sight of what really matters. 😧People always try to fight society but the only way to break free from society is from within and acknowledging that we are all unique beings. We are giving too much credit to science, technology, celebrities, friends and family. We need to be internally focused so that the world can be a better place. Beliefs are just reactions to things that become habit to our brains. So we can easily change them in a way that is best for our lives. Why keep on living to expectations, why live a life with no meaning? I know I won’t. 😎I won’t be oppressed by other people’s ideas, I will accept them but know that I have my own values and standards. If it’s a view shared then it’s good but that’s just who I am not what the human race is supposed to be.☺


Humans are unique. We might share similar traits with others but there’s always going to be something different. The only way there can be peace is accepting that they’re different. As I have said there will always be that person who disagrees, so I’m guessing someone out there disagrees with everything in this post. We are just humans but if there was a balance of the opposites I think the world would be a better place. ☺

Why do people complicate everyone else’s life?

I have wondered for weeks now, why can’t people just be, without insisting on everyone else to join them?

See, it all came about with this gloomy mood that I’m feeling. I found myself questioning my values and morality. I just could not make any sense of stuff, I’m still trying to. I say that i don’t know but all of a sudden, I’ve realised how this world is changing so fast, and in my mind, it’s the worst. How many people talk about getting married these days, having one sexual partner at a time, being in relationships? It does not stop there. It be not even the beginning of it. I mean how many people always want to walk around naked or wear revealing clothes? Those who think having a big tushie is the only thing admirable or that being of a healthy weight is somewhat a bad thing? I mean I am skinny, I eat so much you won’t believe it, and then you have my friend, she’s big, she eats the same much as I do. I mean it’s in my genes and a bit of stress keeping me like this, in a way I’m glad, but she doesn’t have the same genes. It’s not my fault she doesn’t, so I’d ask her to keep in check of her diet, but would it be fair? Well my friend may think to herself that I’m just being spiteful towards her, and she might insult me. Really, I love my body, screw all the celebs that talk bad about my skinny body!

Okay that’s not the reason I am writing. I actually do not know any more, but I’ll keep on writing anyways.  I find it weird that people are now more accepting of these ridiculous things. I mean, where have our values and standards gone. Whoever came up with feminism, well, it was great, but now it’s a bit too much. I’m grateful women can vote but I do not have to walk around nude to feel empowered, anyways what is empowerment?  I see no men saying they feel empowered by walking around unclothed, I mean there’s a big difference between women’s breasts and men’s chests, yep we don’t usually say men’s breasts, do we? So why are women walking around naked?  You know what maybe I’m just going overboard, I mean it’s their bodies not mine so I think i should just let them be even though I prefer covering my breasts, that’s my empowerment.

I also wonder why people these days are so against everything. I mean people just want to oppose everything, even nature. I mean, “why should women be the sole ones giving birth, huh, men should have ovaries as well,” I mean seriously I think our generation is the most stupid generation that will ever exist.  Science and technology have done good for the world but have also brought a downfall on values and standards. I mean people have one-night stands like it’s normal. Maybe it is? Naah, and they just go about cheating or leading people on. I have great faith in true love and relationships and marriages that work, society don’t take this away from me. Okay maybe I’m being a little bit too dramatic. However, come on, people are trying to stop prostitution, but I reckon it’s better, at least the women know they’re worth something instead of going around sleeping with every Jack and Jill like sex has no meaning. Yes, we are a heedless generation. Maybe that should have been my title.

On a serious note, people seem more divided these days than they were a century ago, and the sad thing is, it’s silly things that have come to destroy humanity. I mean we’ve fought for the noble things, votes, equality, peace (in most places), and all that. So why have anyone keep fighting? We should spread all this equality and freedom around the world instead of just coming with pathetic things that keep us apart. People in Africa are dying because of terrorism, but no, women being in power is much more important, no they fought for equality not power!!

We should concentrate on being united in our differences. I mean, people can do what they like but stop trying to influence the world to accept your nonsense, have your nonsense in peace and quiet, similar people always find you, no worries.  We must try to be less judgemental if we really live in an equal society. I just thought to type this post. It’s very random but if you like it, it’s well appreciated, if not, oh well there’s always going to exist, that person. Even I play that person sometimes. So, think of yourself for a moment and see if really you are conscious of your values and standards according to you and whether you actually are around similar people or are you just a blind follower?